


A Study of the Strilonde Birthday from the Perspective of a Slice of Cake

by FrogFacey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ITS THEIR BIRTHDAY, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 15:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16813252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogFacey/pseuds/FrogFacey
Summary: GOTTA WRITE A STORY IN A DAY FOR THE STRILONDE BIRTHDAY HOLY FUCK LETS GOOOOOOOOO





	A Study of the Strilonde Birthday from the Perspective of a Slice of Cake

There was a cake sitting in the middle of the table in the middle of the room. It was fairly simple really, one of the ones you’d get from the grocery shop of your humble choosing. The only notable thing about it was the lone and single candle that rested its gentle mechanical ass in the middle of the cake and sung an ear splitting 8-bit rendition of happy birthday. Dave hated it with a passion, Dirk fucking loved it.

The only problem with the cake was that John was leaning on Dirk making grossed out faces and complaining about icing and how you could only eat so much of the shitty kind before you get grossed out by the mere thought of cake in general. He said he was dangerously close to that line and requested only the smallest slice.

Dave accused Karkat of eating bugs, Karkat said there was so much more to Alternian food than bugs, Dave said he hadn’t said no to eating bugs. Karkat cut himself a large slice to spite him. There was no conceivable way he’d be able to finish it and he’d probably just end up giving the rest to Dave anyway but he was revelling in the minimal amount of bite it still had.

Dirk cut himself a regular sized piece but scooped all of the icing off of his and piled it onto Roxy and Calliope’s plate, much to the giggly dismay of Roxy (“She’s too sweet already stop!!”). John watched as he dissected the slice, crumbs flying everywhere, into small bite sized pieces. When asked he said he had zoned out the entire time and didn’t actually realise he was doing it.

Dave ate his cake almost entirely in a way to spite Rose, cutting into the middle and eating only the small square, putting his plate to the side and when prompted saying he was saving it for later. Karkat cut the tiniest sliver out of the side, opening the square to the outside world. Dave would have felt personally offended by that if it weren’t for the fact that Karkat then proceeded to settle his rectangle as delicately as possible atop his giant slice, nodding and returning to his conversation with Kanaya.

Rose seemed to enjoy strip mining her cake, eating perfect rectangle after perfect rectangle, her arm always linked with Kanaya’s. She kept giving Dave’s lone and abandoned slice looks dirty enough to curdle milk, especially when he gave in and ate half of Karkat’s but she never ever dared to bring that look to Dave himself. He would have won then and she was intending to drag this game of pure patience to the next day and, by extension, her birthday.

Jade ate her cake with her hands instead, it was gone in about five minutes so there wasn’t any reason to dirty a plate. She wiped the crumbs off of her hands on her skirt, it was black anyway so it wouldn’t show up. She finished John’s piece that he never really got around to finishing himself and left his plate next to Dave’s.

Jane ate her slice normally and rolled her eyes at everyone else. She was quickly bombarded with Roxy clinging to her and complaining about how boring she was, which she waved off just as quickly. She stabbed her fork into the middle of her slice and complained about how store bought was never as good as homemade. Calliope said she didn’t want to make her bake just for this whole deal to happen.

Jake shuffled his slice around and decided ultimately, he didn’t want it. He handed it to Terezi instead, who slipped it onto her plate meticulously and grinned in thanks.

Roxy just ate Dirk’s icing, she’d always had a better tolerance for sweet things anyway. Besides, the icing was so much more chocolatey than the rest of the cake. She grinned at Dirk’s disgusted blegh and Karkat’s look of almost begrudging respect. She ate Karkat’s icing too.

Kanaya barely got around to eating her slice because she was attached to Rose’s side the whole night. Her slice was abandoned next to Dave’s, which ended up with her joining in on Dave’s spite fest. It was so incredibly worth it to see the betrayed look on Rose’s face and the gasp of “You’re on his side?”

Terezi got bored of just slices and went at the cake with a fork instead. By the time she got to it it was almost gone, just the cakey leftovers, the candle and the bits of icing left from where it was sitting. She set the fucking candle off again and the sudden chipper tune made Dirk cackle from the other side of the room.

Calliope ate hers with a spoon instead of a fork. She said it was just more convenient that way and her teeth didn’t scrape against the prongs. She ate her whole slice and nothing more, starting a pile of clean plates next to the now empty cake tin. No one followed her example and she made a promise to help clean up which she didn’t end up following either.

And when that was all done Roxy shrugged and mentioned she forgot she had brownies in the car which made Calliope gasp and blush and rush out hurried apologies as they went to go collect them. John said he still had Singstar (The Queen version) and could totally go boot it up. He was outvoted but it seemed that no one could possibly fight against John and Dave’s combined destructive force.

Someone started up Under Pressure and Rose belted out her best Freddie impression and Dave was recruited as Bowie. Karkat sung something about bikes and everyone piled together to sing a dramatic and entirely out of key and time Bohemian Rhapsody.

Callie and Roxy appeared a moment later with a tray of baked goods and a particular black smudge on Calliope’s cheek. Roxy demanded they play Fat Bottom Girls and Callie spent the whole time bright red with a brownie left uneaten in her hands.

Jade decided it was a good idea to play musical statues, floating past the group and grinning, complaining about the lack of actual party games. They decided the best cause of action was to let Queen keep playing and see how low they could get the score while everyone busted out the worst moves they had. There were several robots.

Dave pulled Karkat into the most over dramatic dip kiss the world had seen and Rose paused the music and forced him to hold it for nearly a minute, Roxy spun Callie around so everyone could see just how swishy her skirt was, Terezi jumped off the couch to see how loud her landing could get, Jade kept on floating because she loved the drama of it, Jane and Jake ate all the chips on a dare, Kanaya snuck a bite of Dave’s leftover cake and John and Dirk arranged the crumbs from the brownie tin to form simple and phallic art pieces.

And when everybody piled home after brownies and chips and sour worms and an attempted game of pass the parcel it was well past midnight and officially the Lalonde’s birthday.

John and Karkat mumbled something, Roxy pulled Dirk into a hug, Dave ruffled Rose’s hair and Rose grabbed his wrist and glared. They all decided that after that stunt and using Rose as an armrest all night, Dave would probably found dead in an increasingly more and more difficult scene to crack by morning.

Rose pulled Kanaya into the spare bedroom where they were sleeping, Dirk and John fell asleep on John’s bed with John’s face squished into the shade’s Dirk had forgotten to take off, Roxy and Calliope tucked Dave and Karkat in on the couch and made their way home.

The pile of unopened presents sat underneath the cake table, it would probably have to be sifted through in the morning, Roxy’s presents would either be gently escorted to her by the miracle of the postal service or she’d come get it by breakfast. Either way they’d end up in her hands.

The dirty dishes were left out, the passive aggressive pile of cake stayed in the corner and they all decided that it was a decently eventful birthday.

**Author's Note:**

> technically I didn't have to write it that fast if I'm going off of American dates but husshh


End file.
